Thank you, Micah's Mom!
Thank you, Gabriel's Mom!
Thank you, Lily's Mom!
September 15th marked 18 months since I first held her. I know it's cliche and everyone says it, but it feels like just yesterday. At the same time, when I look at Nora and see how far I've come, it feels like a whole other lifetime. Memories of her flood my mind several times a day. I've been thinking about the fact that she was born still, a lot lately. A large part of me wishes she were born alive. Then she could have had birth certificate instead of a death certificate. I could have held her and comforted her while she died. I wonder if she was in pain as she passed. The idea of that kills me.
I still love to see her name in writing. I still write her name on my shower door every morning. :) Thank you to these lovely ladies for remembering Ella with me.
I wish I wrote here more. I actually have several posts stewing in my head right now. But, I find myself writing on Nora's blog if I ever have the time. I feel like Nora is growing so quickly and I don't want to forget a moment of her life. I am scared that something will happen to me and that she won't have these memories preserved for her when she's older. I tell myself that Ella's blog can wait. It's not going anywhere. Of course that leaves me feeling very guilty.
As I was writing this post this morning, a friend (a real life one, yes I have a few) phoned and shared with me that she had been present at a friend's birth this week. Sadly, this friend's baby did not make it. I don't feel comfortable sharing any details, really. It's not my story to tell. But, even though it's incredibly sad, it felt so wonderful to be share some information that I thought would be helpful. After Ella died I was desperate to find a way for her life to have meaning. So today, I felt that. I am very grateful for all that Ella has taught me.
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