Birthday Blues

Today is my 31st Birthday. I should be happy. But, I feel sad. Three years ago on my Birthday, my dad was gravely ill. He passed away 3 weeks later. Two years ago, I was blissfully pregnant with Ella. I had just found out that she was a she and DH had bought me a beautiful diaper bag as a gift. Three weeks later, she passed away too. I feel like I'm starting to relive those dates all over again. Will my heart ever stop aching?