Since October 7th, not a day has gone by where I haven't worried that she's died. I am nearly 35 weeks pregnant and I still look for blood everytime I go to the bathroom. Why hasn't she kicked in a few hours? Why won't she respond to my pokes? Is she kicking too much (as was the case yesterday- where she was averaging 40 kicks in one hour... Yes, this warranted a late night trip to L&D)? Add in the frequent contractions and cramping that began at week 14 (last night's monitoring showed contractions every 7 minutes)... I could not fully anticipate nor could I ever put into the words the anxiety I've experienced these past eight and a half months. So with that, I'm going to make a bold statement...
I AM READY!
No, I don't mean that my house is in order and ready for baby. Because it's not and won't ever be since I've been on bedrest for God knows how long and the fact that we're moving here shortly. What I mean is, I AM READY FOR HER TO BE BORN! Yes, I know that's a strong statement to make at just 34 weeks, 4 days. And, I know that might warrant a hundred comments on the dangers of preterm births. But, there is not one blog I follow where a healthy baby died because it was born premature at nearly 35 weeks. But, give me a pen and paper and I can write the names of fifty women who's baby's died in their womb at 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, and 40+ weeks for unexplained reasons. If you do know of such a blog or have a strong opinion about what I'm saying here, do me a solid and refrain from sharing it with me. I already have enough to worry about. I want her out. Not because I'm uncomfortable or feel done with bedrest or this pregnancy. I want her out because I feel like my body is sucky and is going to be the demise of her.
My stitch is due to come out in 11 days (36 weeks). If I make it to that point, you will see me doing laps around my neighborhood trying to force her out. In fact, I'm typing up her eviction notice as we speak.
Now that I've publicly made this declaration, watch... this little booger is going to stay put til 40+ weeks. Just arrive alive little one, that' all I ask.
Monday, May 10, 2010
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*huge hugs* I am praying she arrives healthy and safe whenever she enters the world :)
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you at all!
ReplyDeleteSame here. Obviously.
ReplyDeleteSounds perfectly normal to me. I'm praying for a blessed delivery when she is ready to come into your arms. God bless. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI understand that feeling - I felt like I was crawling out of my skin the last few weeks before Kai was born. I just wanted him out, where others were responsible for him ... not my body anymore.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as you are in this final stretch ...
Oh I understand Bree. Holding you both close to my heart so that she enters this world safely and soon.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Many prayers coming your way, Bree. I understand about looking for blood every time you go to the bathroom, I did it with Dani every day until I had her 2 weeks ago. May your baby be born healthy, even if she gets here a few weeks ahead of schedule!!
ReplyDeleteBree, I totally understand your anxiety. I felt ready and never publicly said it, but it was for the same reasons. I am thinking about you and your precious baby Nora. Praying for you and your rainbow. XOXO
ReplyDeleteI'm praying 37 weeks is your perfect number...your stitch can come out and she can be full term...but lil' girl has been baking awhile now, so I know how you feel! I'm worried about Liv staying in too long as well. Come on Nora, hang on another week or two, then come out screaming!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Angela and am praying for 37 weeks...just because full-term is so much better than preemie not that it's a matter of dying as more a quality of life thing (you read my blog and see my posts on fb!)...I so understand your readiness though as your life as been at a standstill for so long...and, I can't begin to imagine how uncomfortable it must be to live with contractions all the time!
ReplyDeleteI'm ready to meet her, too :) You are so close!!!!
lol, I have stated my eviction notice for May 27 I will be 1 day shy of 37 weeks, its a full moon and I am in lots of pain and if it doesn't go away the next 2 weeks are going to be real unpleasant for those around me! I have planned a pedi, some action in the bedroom, a massage, a run (lol try) around the block :) I am so excited for you!!
ReplyDeleteYou sound just like me and I haven't even gotten the cerclage done yet! I told my doctor that either she'll snip the strings at 36 weeks and out will shoot baby, or she'll be cutting baby out at 42 weeks - and with my luck, it'll be the latter. I too check the TP for blood each and every time. I've even been known to go to the bathroom when I don't have to just to check.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! She'll be here safe and sound soon!
I totally understand! :) (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteWell I know what you mean so here is the recipe we would give our patients.
ReplyDeleteHave sex- sperm softens the cervix
nipple stimulation- this causes the body to release oxytocin (at least 30 min)
After you get a good contraction pattern WALK, WALK and WALK some more!!!
You can't be frugal about any of the 3. You really have to put forth an effort with each.
This worked for my first 2, but my third's head was crooked and so I wouldn't dilate, but I was contracting really well!!!
Good luck and I don't blame you for being done!!!
I know exactly what you mean!
ReplyDeleteI think about you all the time, and pray for all of you. I can't wait to "meet" your little one!
Oh Bree, hugs for you today. I know you must be getting weary and stressed. I had a hard time with my rainbow baby too being so uncomfortable so I know how you feel and I feel for you. Here's hoping that tomorrow's shot will make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Kathy
Holding you and Nora close to my heart! I absolutely get what you are saying. Lots of love!!!
ReplyDeleteI am COMPLETELY with you on this. I'm thinking about you and Nora, and I hope she responds to the eviction notice! XOXO
ReplyDeleteMakes complete sense to me, Bree! I'm praying that Nora makes her debut when she's perfectly ready, and there's no reason to be afraid now. Girls are strong and resilent early, so know my prayers are with you, and I can't wait to meet sweet Nora!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Bree,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I remember my trip to L & D at 34wks thinking I am ready and at the same time thinking he should wait just a little longer. My stitch came out at 36wks2days and I was at L & D at 36wks6days with contractions and dilated 1cm. I was scheduled for a c-section on March 3rd. I thought, can't they just do this now! I am ready! At that point I wasn't considered term and they sent me home on terbutaline every 4 hours instead of every 6. I saw my doctor the next day and at that point, 37wks, I was considered full term. He told me to stop taking the medication and sure enough the next day I was back at L & D. I thought to myself as I walked in, "I am not leaving this hospital without a baby." I knew in my gut that he was fine, and he was born that afternoon completely healthy and big considering he was 3wks early. He is almost 12 weeks old now and he is doing great. I completely understand!
I totally understand the worry about your body screwing things up! Praying that she stays put for a little bit longer, but that you have your beautiful girl with you soon!
ReplyDeleteHoping she stays put a little longer- but not too long. All the best to you and your precious little one!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and for Baby Nora to arrive safely soon!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Bree in these final days and weeks, and praying Nora arrives safe and sound into your arms in the near future! You are so close now, I'm excited for you!
ReplyDeleteI certainly understand what you are saying!The twins were 6 weeks early and were fine. I stayed in bed with Adam for 2 months, had some kind of shots to make my uterus relax & I had to be induced at 40 weeks! You have hurt and been worried for so long, I don't blame you for wanting to evict Nora!xxxooo
ReplyDeletewe think about nora everyday, and hope that she makes her arrival at just the right time. :)
ReplyDeleteyour sister
I can't wait until she is here. I can only imagine how you are feeling. Praying that she makes her safe arrival soon.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess now we truly have a competition - who will deliver first! I still feel Nora's birthday is in May. Personally, I think it will be on the 20th or 21st. But you do keep surprising me. I absolutely can NOT believe Nora is still in there. It is just so completely amazing and I'm SO happy.
ReplyDeleteSelfishly, I really want her to hurry up so I can meet her before Andrew comes. Otherwise we'll never get to see each other!!
You don't want her out because you want a preemie, you want in her your arms, safe and alive. Its normal and definitely something you are more then allowed to feel. Many many *hugs* in these last few weeks.
ReplyDeleteYou are just too adorable!!
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY how you feel... I've done the debate on late-night trips to L&D for increased/decreased movement. I sit for hours religiously counting kicks/pokes/etc trying to judge if they feel panicky or content. If they are stronger or weaker. If there are more today than there were yesterday...
It's maddening!! And I can totally relate to what you are feeling. You just want your baby, safe and sound in your arms. That's not wrong- that's being a mother!! Take care! I'll be counting down the days along with you until your cerclage comes out! Lucky you- only 11 more days!!
You know what Bree...I'm ready to meet Miss Nora too! I don't blame you one little bit. You've been through so much and done such a wonderful job keeping her safe. I think it's time to reap the rewards!! See you soon Nora xo
ReplyDeleteI agree Bree...I'm ready to meet her too!! :) I can't imagine the anxiety you are feeling these days. You're doing a great job keeping her safe and happy! :)
ReplyDeleteI would be ready too, honestly!!! And I think that's perfectly ok!
ReplyDeleteI am sure that you are home with your sweet baby ~ I just heard the good news from "almost a mother" and wanted to be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS! OR rather, one of several hundred (from the looks of your following:)).
ReplyDelete