Tomorrow, a passerby will look at me and assume that this is my first Mother's Day. Tomorrow is not my first Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day was three years ago, just two short months after I gave birth to Ella. I am surprised that three years later I still feel wounded. I feel guilty that I have this beautiful (almost) one year old baby girl to love on and I am not all that excited about the day. I don't know how I am going to be around the people tomorrow... The same people that failed to acknowledge me as a mother three years ago.
I don't come here nearly enough. I like logging on because I feel like this is Ella's space and this is where I can connect with her. I've noticed that there are quite a number of new people following- which I don't know how that happened since my posts are few and far between and there's really nothing special going on. But, if you'd like, please introduce yourself here. Wishing you all a peaceful and gentle Mother's Day.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
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Of course you were already a Mother! Ella made you a mother. I hope tomorrow is gentle on you and that no one says something to hurt you. I understand you coming here to connect with Ella - I do the same with M's blog. I love you and cherish our friendship. xoxo
ReplyDeleteBree, I hurt for you today. I wish we didn't have to be around the people that hurt us :( I hope for a peaceful day for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day-to your beautiful girls, Ella and Nora. xoxo
Happy Mother's Day to you. I am a new follower. I can't remember where I came across your blog from. (Sorry!).
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jill and I am 23 years old. I had my firstborn daughter, Naomi Hope, at 28 weeks born April 27 2009 to severe preeclampsia. SHe was 1 lb 12 oz. She surived 35 days and tragically passed away June 1, 2009. SHe would be two years old as of this April. I miss her terribly.
I did go on to have my rainbow, her little sister, Sadie Marie, at 34w6d , did develop severe preeclampsia again but was carefully monitored and not as sick as last time. (If you can and are not familar, please check out preeclampsia.org!) and she is a healthy and happy 7.5 month old. She is my world and makes me continue on and keep going.
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.
areasontolivenaomihope.blogspot.com is my blog!
I hope your first Mothers Day with Nora was gentle Bree, I was not really looking forward to today either, it's just one of those bittersweet triggers I guess. That and two years ago Jenna was still alive in the NICU. I am missing your baby girl with you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting - I've been on a few different blogs today and was surprised to see how painful mother's day is for SO many people. Not just for baby/child loss, but also for the loss of their mothers, aunts, grandmothers. It's a day we celebrate motherhood - in all the forms that motherhood takes. And because of that, it's a day we remember all of whom we connect to "motherhood" even when they are no longer with us. We are not alone in the pain we feel when we miss the babies who are not with us on mother's day... many are "missing" mothers and babies on this day. I guess that is what it's for. To take the time to celebrate, to love, to miss, to cherish those who are with us as well as those who are not.
ReplyDeleteI have seen a few posts on BLM fb pages where people said things like this.. and I don't get it.. you have been a mother, a great mother.. and this year, you are a mother of 2 great girls.. <3
ReplyDeleteI know that Mother's Day will never be the same for me, we buried River the day before, 2 years ago. My very first mother's day should have been with a 1 week old little boy and instead I was at the cemetery, that memory will always prevail when it comes to Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you -- ((hugs))
I had a bunch of people say that to me, too. :( It hurt, and I wasn't sure how to respond.
ReplyDeleteI've got some new followers, too - it makes me smile and sad, all at the same time.
I think only one person mentioned it being my first Mother's day... which even in the terms of Hannah being over one year old, it's not my first, but anyway...
ReplyDeleteI just smiled and said not quite. I didn't want to go into all the Mother's days I've had in the past with a random passerby at that moment.
Big hugs to you. I hope it was a gentle peaceful day for you.
people forget that in our mind we were mother's before. I don't think its intentional, but so easy for them to forget our sweet babies. We will never forget. A mother's heart never forgets. *hugs*
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