I apologize. This is not a pretty post. But, hey it's my blog and I'll vent if I want to, right?
I woke up this morning so excited about the day. Husband and I are going to stay at the beach overnight. We plan to sit and watch the ocean, BBQ, and go to Sprinkles cupcakes- my favorite. I just took my dog out for a walk and noticed that someone had egged my car. Seriously? This has never happened to any of my property before. I know it is so stupid and I can just wash it off, but I feel so violated. Right now I am filled with rage. All of my anger about what has happened is back. I assume that one of the many teenagers in our neighborhood are guilty of said crime. I'd like to find that little f*&%@r, pin him down, kick in the balls, and then proceed to tell him about the hell I've been living in for the past three months.
Please indulge me, as I have one more thing to rant about. An old friend of mine, someone I see maybe once every two years, sent me an email telling me that she's coming to town this week and would like to get together. I responded and said, "sure, call me. I anticipate that this week is going to be difficult, as Ella's due date was Friday 7/10, but call me to see if I'm up to it." Her response was, "yeah, i guess it could be a difficult week depending on how you look at it." YOU GUESS? DEPENDING ON HOW I LOOK AT IT? Is she insinuating that I should be looking at this situation in a positive manner? Because there is NOTHING positive about what happened to me and my baby. This woman has lost her husband to cancer, so I thought she would be a little more sensitive with her words. Was she ready to be positive about her husband's death 3.5 months later? She never had any children, so maybe she doesn't understand this type of loss. Do people not understand that I gave birth to a fully formed child. I held her, named her, arranged for her body to be creamated, have her ashes on my night table? I am so over stupid people!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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I sincerely hope you call your friend out on her comment. People need to understand how badly this hurts! I visited a neighbor who was about to deliver a baby, told her about Leila (these people had no idea I was even pregnant), and she says "well, I had 3 miscarriages." (no, she's not a friend). People can be so frickin' thoughtless! I didn't pass a 7-week-old blob of tissue, you stupid *****! Argh! Now I'm angry for you! Lemme have that friend's number!
ReplyDeleteI wish I was there to wash your car for you...
i agree with emily - if i were in cali i'd help you clean your car and find the stupid person who did that....
ReplyDeletei hope this week isn't too rough on you...i remember dreading maddie's due date and then it not being AS bad as I anticipated....i hope you will take that day for you and for ella and do something special...
email me when you get a chance.....love you
People don't get it...they have no idea how much pain we live with everyday. My close friends that I talk to say they can't even imagine what I feel, and they are so right. They can't imagine, no one can unless they have lived it. And unfortunately for us, we are living it. I am so sorry, I hope you find something to lift your spirits.
ReplyDeletexx,
Tina
I'm so with you about the stupid people. I have them all around me. People say the stupidest things when they haven't gone through the same thing. My counselor says it like this. When lets say someone in the family passes away like say a grandmother. The family and friends grieve, but then is able to move on because the know they know she lived a happy and long life. On the other hand when a baby passes away and the family or friends never got a chance to get to meet or get to know the baby so they have no relationship with the baby like the parents do and so they tend to dismiss our sweet babies like they never existed. Which is horrible and pisses me off so bad.
ReplyDeleteI think when you see your friend you should tell her how much her comment hurt you.
Oh my I have written a book i'm sorry and sending you some big cyber hugs.
I am so sorry Bree! You would think people would be more sensitive about what they say, but they just are NOT in my experience. I hope you have a good 4th with your hubby though.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, I live in Missouri...I swear it is like a state law you have to have at least a half a dozen kids. Grr!!
Brew I am sorry your weekend has started in the crapper. It sounded like you were on your way to a beautiful weekend. I hope you managed to get some peace.
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend, it is so much harder for her to understand. It is a different conection when it is of your own flesh and blood. And she really won't understand if she has not been there for you. Shedding tears for you and Ella.
Rant away!
ReplyDeleteThat was a very careless statement by your friend and I'm sorry you heard something so dumb and mean.
Much love to you as Ella's due date approaches.
You know what? I love when I see posts from fellow dbms that show how pissed they are about the unfairness of our loss. What happened to us is a just cause for being pissed off ocassionally on what we see around us and the stupid things that people say and do to us.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that your holiday weekend started off in such a sucky way. I would definitely ask for clarification from your friend, because maybe she does have nugget of wisdom because of what she has been through with losing her husband. I do think sometimes that people assume that because our babies didn't come into the world shrieking like banshees that our babies were somehow less like babies. NO mommy should have to have their babies' ashes on their nightstand (Lily's are on a bookshelf in our room), and unless you've been through what we have there is just no comprehension of the pain.
((hugs)) to you, lovey, and I hope you have a better day today...
Oh girl I am so sorry you had to deal with this crap. First your car then your friends insensitive words. I hope you do find that butthead of a kid.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Yuck. I can't believe that comment. "Depending on how you look at it?" I'm looking at it like the daughter you are supposed to have in your arms LIVING this week is dead and all you have are sad memories. Ouch. That makes me mad. So does the egging of your car. This happened to me also for the first time and I was really mad. As we drove we noticed that almost all the cars in the neighborhood on the street were egged and it wasn't too bad, but I was just as mad. I suggest you DON'T do as you want to do with the culprit, but completely understand how these things stir up all the anger that is sitting there already. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that someone made such a thoughtless comment to you. I truly can't understand why people don't understand appropriate things to say. I am so sorry for both the loss of your baby girl and your dad.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to comment to Emily above-Saying that about miscarriages is SO incredibly damaging. To say it is a "7 week blob" is so hurtful. It is a baby. I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks-went through labor-and saw a tiny baby when it was over. The baby wasn't more than the size of my fist, but it was a baby-not a blob. I think it's important to have compassion for EVERYONE and not judge what they've been through. You don't know someones story. I'm sure that those 3 miscarriages were more than a "blob" to that woman. I am beyond words right now because you're trying to help someone who lost her little girl by insulting other peoples losses. I understand that it is different losing a child later in pregnancy, but please dont hurt those of us that put all of our hopes and dreams into our little baby and lost them early. It is still a loss (even if it is just a "blob")
P.S.-I'm really sorry that I am using this to talk to someone else because it really should be all about you and your beautiful family...I am just so upset and hurt that I felt I needed to say something. Lots of love
ReplyDeleteHi there. I found your blog via "Heartcries." I too have lost a child. Its been 8 years for me. I lost Allison at full term due to complications during her delivery. I can feel your pain in your posts. I want you to know that your are TOTALLY NORMAL! I remember the days and nights of feeling like I was going to lose my mind. Some people just dont "get it." I can tell you that the pain does get easier...it is just always there. If you would like someone to talk to please email me...I truly do understand where you are! My email address is annasmommie@hotmail.com Take care! Mollie
ReplyDeleteOMG. I can totally understand how the egg thing could thro you over the edge. But that comment is incredible. I can't even believe someone would say that. Or could say it. How does it even occur to someone that this week wouldn't be one of your hardest weeks ever, let alone someone who has experienced a loss EVER.
ReplyDeleteWhen she calls, definitely turn her down and find a way to make a remark that is whitty and offensive and makes a point about how absurd her comment was. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this - wanna go to Italy together???
That last comment was from me - Kathy
ReplyDelete