I discovered this poem here. I feel it really speaks to where I'm at right now. The phone calls and emails have become few and far between. And, when they do take place, I don't let people know that I'm still not okay (my therapist calls it "my mask."). I'm having a hard time deciphering whether people are pulling away on their own or if I am pushing them to do so.
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping"
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before.
From now until she dies,
she'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
and because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how is she,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how is she,
she seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see
nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For Gods sake Mom,
just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how is she
she'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
we'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here,
Mom with all the lies you told!"
Friday, September 18, 2009
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Bree, that is absolutely perfect. Describes very much what I am feeling. I find its easier to be honest with some people then I am with others. I think alot of people have just forgotten. I haven't forgotten. I never will. He was, is and always will be my son just like Ella will not be forgotten. She was,is and always will be your daughter. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI love it. So true.
ReplyDeleteBree, email me. celestialpetunia@gmail.com. I have a butterfly for you....
ReplyDeleteI like that poem too. I often tell a lot of lies myself & I totally understand wondering whether people are pulling away or pushed away. I'm sorry I've been so bad about commenting but I've been thinking about you alot this week. I know milestones are so hard and they're so much harder when they go unnoticed by people in real life. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh Bree, this poem is so incredibly true. I am so glad that you found this because same with us, the calls, the emails everything has slowed down, people have moved on except for us. We live with the constant pain and reminder that our sons are NOT HERE =( yet I lie and tell people what they want to hear because mostly they do not know what to say.
ReplyDeleteawesome poem...describes what most angel moms feel...praying for you....sending big hugs from bama...love you
ReplyDeleteI've actually read this poem before and "love" it but I couldn't finish it right now...in so many ways it appears that my life is moving on, but I tell a lot of little lies because I should be "fine" right?
ReplyDeleteWow... it's like someone opened my heart and wrote all about it. I wish I felt the freedom to tell everyone who asks that I just want to die sometimes and when I look alright its not me it is all because of God. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletexx
Oh, wow, Bree. This poem is so, so true. I just posted the other day about pretending and all that we have to do to pull it off. There's a great post at glow in the woods right now, too, about how we are perceived in the media. It's like either we're fine, or totally batshit crazy.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing.
Just (((HUGS))) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI read thsi poem and I wept .... I wish Akul was really watching me and walking all these very very long miles with me. I miss him so very much just like you miss your Ella. HUgssss for Ella's mom. I know you miss her a ton.
ReplyDeleteThat poem is so true. I've perfected this act, I think.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good poem. I don't think I know a mom who hasn't lied about being fine.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from another blog of loss. I love this poem - thanks for sharing - it describes perfectly how I feel.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl - I know how you feel as I lost my own baby girl on 8/28/09.
Holy shmoly. That couldn't have been a more perfect poem at a more perfect moment for me. Thank you so much for sharing it. This week I do not feel like wearing my "mask" so I just look crazy to everyone. I don't think I even realized how much I was "lying." Turns out, I've been lying thru this whole year and it's really catching up with me. I'm so tired of lying. I'm so tired of being in grief.
ReplyDeleteBree, that is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly right and so where I am right now. I have had more than one person tell me how strong I am, but what they dont know is I am dying inside.
ReplyDelete