How is it that you can sit in a room for 6 hours with me and never mention her name.
She should be here. This should be her first holiday.
I'm so glad I have her ashes with us in my purse.
Please, please let this baby live.
Really? You're going to talk about how sad Micheal Jackson's death was and how you had a 5 hour memorial at your house after he died. You speak of how tragic it is, but don't say the same out loud about her. You didn't even send a card after she died.
My oldest friend had her baby on Wednesday. He's really cute and I'm very happy for her. When I received the text of his arrival and saw his pictures, I felt disbelief. I cannot even fathom that. Having a baby full-term, one that lives, being able to make that announcement, all of it, feels so UNREACHABLE to me. PLEASE, PLEASE let me have that.
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Friday, November 27, 2009
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Oh Bree, it is so hurtful when others can talk about the death of a person they didn't even know, but can't talk about the death of our babies. I am sorry. I hope today is a better day and I am praying for this little one to be here with you next Thanksgiving. xx
ReplyDeleteYou had thanksgiving with someone that couldn't mention ella's name and didn't even acknowledge her birth and death? I'm so sorry, that must've been horrible to endure. It is crazy that people can be upset about celebrity deaths and completely ignore the tragedies and grief of people they actually know.
ReplyDeleteOh, Bree, I get it, I really really do. I find myself distancing myself from baby anything or entertaining thoughts about bringing this baby home. I guess in some ways I feel it is dangerous but so so sad. Hoping you know your Ella is remembered. Praying for your rainbow.
ReplyDeletexo
Bree, your Ella is so remembered and you are honoring her by making beautiful butterflies for other angels. Sorry she did not get acknowledged yesterday. That must have hurt. Many people think it is better to not mention our angels. They don't realize that they are ALWAYS on our minds and we LOVE hearing their names mentioned and we LOVE to talk about them even though they are not here with us. xx
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I have had one child at term, the other 3 were preemies, and 2 of them didn't survive. I told my husband I just want one baby to stay in my room at the hospital, one baby who friends/family can visit and hold, one baby who doesn't need to be seen from behind glass in the NICU. I also want people to speak their names, yet no one does. No one asks how I am, no one asks about them or things we have done for them or for their gravestone. It just makes me angrier and more bitter. It SUCKS, and I hate that this is something you know and feel too. Many many *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, people... I pray that this one will be full term and he or she will be healthy! You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Bree. No one mentioned AJ or Evan either. It is left up to us to keep their memory alive. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI just started bawling at this post - it's so perfectly descriptive of my gamut of emotions yesterday. A cousin brought the baby she had accidentally this year, and it was just so... hard. I'm sending you hugs hugs and best wishes.
ReplyDeleteNo one ever talks about Akul till I do...so I do. I do because I cannot help but think about him and he is so much a part of my life. But when I talk about him people have to listen..I guess. Ofcourse I do not hog the entire conversation, but just as they bring up their kids..I bring up mine. I know you were stressed about thanksgiving...and you know Ella is always with you. I always see her in you. Hugsssssssssss. Sending good wishes for the little one...Yes I know that yearning to have a live healthy baby and actually bring the baby home.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that someone spent more tears on Michael Jackson than Ella. How stupid. I felt the same void without Mackenzie there.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Ashley
I know how you feel...No one mentioned Maddie's name either...i thought about you and ella though...i know our girls were feasting in heaven with all the other babies...love you from bama...
ReplyDeleteFirst off, seriously, people are still mourning Michael Jackson? Ugh, he was a singer people...
ReplyDeleteWhat an (unintentional, I'm sure) slap in the face...I'm sorry ((HUGS))
That must of been awful to go through. I am so sorry that you had to dine with people who chose to prtect their own comfort level rather than to prtect you who is hurting right now by making sure you were ok. Mentioning your daughter so you would know they care. I am just so sorry. No one here usually talks about her until I do.
ReplyDeleteAww, Bree...That is the saddest thing. I am so sorry you spent your Thanksgiving that way. Oh, it just breaks my heart. As someone who has wondered sometimes what to say to someone who has lost a child, I feel so educated by your posts. I will never be too scared to mention lost babies again. And I can only hope your family and friends will see education in your blog for themselves one day. Love and Hugs, Kelli
ReplyDeleteWe need to talk & figure out if we are related. That whole didn't send a card but talking about how sad you were over some public figure sounds exactly like some of my family.
ReplyDeleteLike you already saw over at my blog, Joel was the elephant in the room. I have a very big & real fear that if this rainbow baby makes it (I can't believe I even have to worry about that, but I do now), people will talk about our TWO children, not remembering this baby is our 3rd.
I'm hoping for both of our babies.
I'm so sorry. I often feel like Levi is the elephant in the room too- even at times with my MIL or Tommy (not when it's just us but when we're out with other people). Before I ever got pregnant again he agreed to an all or nothing deal- he either talked about all our children or none of them. It does make holidays even harder though- I think people think if they don't mention painful things then it doesn't exist- I don't think they get that we're thinking about our loss anyways. ((hugs))
ReplyDelete*hugs* Bree. I can imagine the pain you must have felt yesterday. I am so sorry for the pain you are experiancing, but please know that I am praying for your current pregnancy to remain healthy and uneventful. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you on Thursday. I'm sorry that I haven't been the best friend about responding to your posts, but I do always read them. Ella's name should have been mentioned. She will always be a part of your family.
ReplyDeleteI remember last Christmas day when my family was all just about to eat, and I started crying. Even though I was about 8 weeks pregnant again, it didn't replace the loss. I had to go in the other room and Hunter just held me while I cried. The holidays can be so rough. I can't wait until you have your healthy baby too. I have positive thoughts and high hopes. :)
Are you serious?? A 5 hr memorial to MJ? But not even send a card? I don't even have words for that.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry that you are going through this too. All the "firsts" are so very hard. I don't know how I made it through them last year. I'm so glad that I don't have to do it again.
ReplyDeleteI wrote my "drowing" post last year but I never told my friends and family about it. I wrote it to help other people. To know that they are not alone. To help their families understand what it is like. Burying a child is completely unnatural and people can't relate. I hope and pray that you find support. It's so hard to tread water alone!
I'm here if you need me.
Hugs,
Trisha
We too sat through an entire holiday with no mention of our daughter Mika Belle, who passed not 2 months ago. She was almost 10 months old. My mom asked everyone to say what they were thankful for. One after another said, "That we could all be here together." But we weren't all there. No mention of our Mika Belle as we passed the new babies around. People think they are helping us by not mentioning our lost angels, but it feels so slight.
ReplyDeleteBree and other mums whose babies weren't mentioned during your Thanksgivings....oh, my heart breaks for you. I'm so, so, so sorry. And talking about a vigil for an entertainer?! Oh, how awful. I'm so sorry and I'm remembering your baby Ella with you. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you as you endure the first holidays. It's hard for other people who have never lost a child to understand what we need to help us heal. We want to talk about our angels and we want to keep their precious memories alive. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteBree :( I'm so sorry. My thanksgiving dinner was pretty much the same-not a mention of sophie or aiden. Not even a thought. I had to leave and throw a fit and take a walk because my freaking step grandma or whatever she is just kept talking about her 8 billion kids and her 2 new great grandsons. When she got out the pictures I walked out! ARUGH!
ReplyDeleteI want SO SO SO badly for you to get what you want-the only thing next to having Ella back, of course. I am keeping your healthy, full-term baby announcement in my head. I am picturing it. And hoping. And praying. And begging, too.
Thinking of you
xxoo
It is so hard for people to know what to say and when.
ReplyDeleteI was in hospital, being monitored to make sure that my daughter was still alive, having just found out that her twin sister had died inside me, when a midwife burst into the room to tell me that Michael Jackson had died. As if I could care in the slightest.
My thoughts are with you, hoping this pregnancy brings you the joy that Florence Rose, Bethany Rose's living twin, brings to me. xxx
I just wanted to say that I get it.... everyone avoided talking about Henry at our Thanksgiving too.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay... that's why I am here. We DBM are here for each other.
Sarah xoxo
Stay FAITHFUL and know that I am keeping the faith for you...and you WILL celebrate your own miracle :) I know you will xoxo
ReplyDelete