I have my third infection in six weeks. I am waiting for the results of the culture to determine what my fifth round of antibiotics will be. This is some scary shit. My doctor said today, she won't treat contractions until 24 weeks. WTF? She treated me at 22 with Ella. Not that it worked. I feel like I'm just waiting around until I lose this baby. I hate this. I hate that I'm surrounded by so many people who have children or are on their way to having healthy, living babies. What have I done to deserve this?If I lose this baby, I don't want to live through it. There is no way I can hold my dead baby again, bury her, and go through life watching everyone else have babies. I just won't live that life. I won't.
**EDIT: I love and adore my OB. I do truly believe in her ability to get me through this. She takes my calls and answers my texts/emails nights and weekends. She even said she'd see me in her office everyday if I want/need to. She's the one that offerred to put me on disability at 16 weeks just to ease my mind. My peri said he'd treat contractions at 21-22 weeks. Hopefully, once I get these infections under control, I won't need any contraction medication. Can you tell I'm feeling a bit better now? Just have to make it to 10am tomorrow (my dr. appt).
Monday, January 25, 2010
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Oh, Bree, honey. I am so, so sorry. Do you know, are the infections from the cerclage? How did you find out? It is definitely some scary shit. If your doctor won't treat you, would the ER? Or another doctor? Are you having contractions now?
ReplyDeleteYou haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this. Not a thing. And I don't know why it's happening.
You are not going to have to live that life. I am choosing to believe that with all my heart. Ella's little sister is going to make it here into your arms-alive and crying and kicking. I know there's no way I can know for sure, and when people say things like this in your head a little voice says (but you can't know) and of course I don't, but I'm going to believe it for you. When you can't, I will.
Hang in there, sweet Bree. We are pulling for you and this little one.
...24 weeks? Seriously?
ReplyDeleteI want to punch your doctor. Seriously. I tend to talk about you alot (creepy, I know), & my husband & I can't get over the fact that they won't treat them sooner. I just cannot believe it.
Sorry, I'm ranting for you I guess.
I really believe things will work out, it will be a long road of course, but I really have faith this baby will be coming home with you & interrupting your sleep & any chance of "me" time you'll get for the next several years.
Hi Bree, I'm late to the party I know, but we're back from Hawaii now and I wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I thought of you constantly while we were away and hoped that you and your precious baby were doing well.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that you've been having infections, that's the last thing you need. How is your actual cervical length going? Is the TVC still holding strong?
I still have faith that you will bring this baby home safely. Please be strong...and yeah I know it's much, much easier said than done. Sending you lots of love xo
Bree,
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness you have been thru way more than anyone should ever have to endure. I felt like you do (in a sense) when I lost Christian. Everyone seemed to be moving on and I couldn't seem to recover physically. My body kept failing me and thus I have become paranoid. I'm not saying you are paranoid though, I'm strictly talking about me.
As for the 3rd infection, bless your sweet heart. Trying times don't even describe what you've endured. You don't deserve any of this! And, I know it's easy to feel defeated, but we are going to be behind you supporting you and praying for your and your sweet baby. I understand your frusteration and being very scared. Be an advocate for yourself and your baby. If you don't like the care you are getting go elsewhere. I ended up going for a 2nd opinion and ditched my original Dr, post loss, as I was not getting the attention I needed. Damn Doc's sometimes they are too immune to all they see and fail to "invest" in patients, as they become detached.
Hugs to you and many prayers....please let us know what you need and we are here to hold you up.
xoxo
I'm gonna believe for you to that this baby will arrive healthy and safe. I'm so sorry you have an infection. I'm sending up prayers right now for healing and quieting calming.
ReplyDeleteSending out positive thoughts and prayers that you get whatever treatment you need ASAP along with the peace of mind that everything is ok.
ReplyDeleteNo you wont! You will have her in your arms in June. ((hugs)) Sening you love!
ReplyDeleteNicolle
I have to believe there will be a happy ending for you. Life is so unfair and I am so sorry about the infection but you are so incredibly strong and I am sure your daughter inherited that from you.
ReplyDeleteScary stuff... so sorry you are going through this on top of everything else! Thinking of you and sending lots of love and strength.
ReplyDelete((((HUGS))) I'm sorry lovey that you have to deal with all of this stuff...thinking of you and saying prayers that these infections stop...
ReplyDeleteYou poor girl. Wishing you peace for these upcoming weeks.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
So scary, I know the fears you have and they are very real. I wish your Dr would be more proactive though. You are in my thoughts. Lots of *hugs*
ReplyDeleteBree, *Huge hugs* Please know I am praying for you and your sweet baby. I wish I could send you a huge hug in person.
ReplyDeleteGosh that infection sounds scary.. I hope you get it cleared up soon. I hope the contractions stop when you lose the infection. But if they don't, I am happy your peri will treat them sooner than your OB.
ReplyDeleteHugs and positive thoughts for you. I know weeks 18-25 were incredibly hard for me .
I wish there was something more eloquent I could say - but it all boils down to I am routing for you.
What an awesome OB that she would see you as often as you need and that she answers your calls and texts (LUCKY!). I am sorry you are having so much difficulty. Stay strong, praying for you.
ReplyDeleteXO
I really hope the infections go away and you feel better soon. I can only imagine how scary each day must be. Many many hugsssss Bree. I think of you many times dring the day. Take good care of yourself and Ella's little sister.
ReplyDeleteHoping the infection goes away and my thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteSending many good thoughts your way...I can't even imagine how frightening all of this must be for you. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way Bree. Rest in that knowledge and know that we are all here for you. God is on the job. Keep us updated! *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteHey, Bree - just got home a while ago, am thinking of you and hoping all went well. Shoot me an e-mail if you get time!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great how your ob will see your whenever and is giving you great care. Hope this infection hits the road soon!
ReplyDeleteI am praying really hard for you and Nora. I am so thrilled that your Doc is so supportive. You really need that right now, I know!
ReplyDelete*huge hugz*