Friday, June 5, 2009

Ella's Parade of Butterflies

I went to Micheals recently to purchase some yarn to make more hats. I came across
these templates to make butterfly ornaments. I purchased them without really having a plan for them, but knew I could use them to do something creative. Yesterday was a very dark day for me. I was missing Ella and thinking a lot about the babies I've met through this blog. I went and got my butterflies out and just started coloring. As I worked on the first butterfly, I thought of Ada- that became her butterfly. I then thought of Zoe while working on the next one. The process is simple, but its my way of spending a few minutes meditating on each baby. The plan is to make a butterfly for each child- if you don't see your baby's butterfly here, you will. Just check back. Next to each baby's butterfly, I'd like to include a rememberence date- that could be the day they were born, lost, the day you found out you were pregnant, your due date... Please include the date you'd like me to include in the comments section. This is also a nice way for us to connect with each other. If you have a blog, I will include a link to it next to each butterfly. Let us please continue to support each other and remember to reach out to new moms that have joined this "club."

I love to send these butterflies to their mommies. Please email me to receive yours- briannemeg@yahoo.com.


Ella M
March 15, 2009


Ada Elizabeth
July 16, 2008


Zoelle Hazel
January 4, 2009


Maddox Elise
February 19, 2009


Levi Aaron


Luke
April 11, 2009


Allyson Lee
February 24, 2010


Ella Aslin Jade
February 5, 2009


Georgia Louise
August 11, 2008


Gregory


Nicholas Warren
November 7, 2008


Lukas


Maya
May 13, 2009


Liliana
October 4, 2009


Brayden


Cooper


Ciaran


Ellis Jane
September 23, 2008


Maxton David


Lily Angeline


Leila Mae


Akul


Braden


Brody


Logan Ryan
January 31, 2009


Brody McRae
January 31, 2009


Jasper Thomas
March 4, 2009


Sophia


Ellie


Reese Nowell
October 9th


Torren


Shelby Lee
March 6, 2009


Megan Aimee
March 6, 2009


Lynne Barbara
March 6, 2009


Andrew Daniel


Baby "E"


Logan Thomas


Emma Larue


Phoenix Rain


Sydney Alexis
February 10, 2009


Jenna


Nolan Micheal


Evan


Alyssa-Joy


Sarah's Babies


Kenner Jackson


Mackenzie Noelle


Ashley's Rainbow


Kathlyn Joy


Sophie Mae


Aiden James


Carleigh Mckenna


Jordan Leigh
December 19, 2002


Christian


Eliana Grace


Malou Amelia


Isabella


Calvin


Jonathan
July 1, 2009


Jordan Daniel
July 6, 2009


Karis
June 12, 2008


Addison
June 12, 2008


Jenna Belle


Janessa Marie
May 14,2009


Meredith Helen


Paul
September 25, 2008


Joey
September 25, 2008


Adam
September 25, 2008


Patrick


Mackenzie


Abigail


Alexis Cailen
November 4, 2008


Ashlen Selah
November 4, 2008


Makenna Hope
December 15, 2007


Butter Pauline
May 4, 2009


Everett
September 16, 2008


Leyland
June 9, 2009


Parker
April 4, 2009


Gavin
April 4, 2009


Jet


Keyes


Freya


Zoe Beth


Madelyn Rebecca
August 28, 2009


Chase
August 12, 2009


Emma
August 16, 2009


Bryston Ray
July 24, 2009


Jennifer's Rainbow


Sophie
November 12, 2007


Avery
November 12, 2007


Blumpy
October 8, 2009


Morgan
September 8, 2008


Gracie
August 1, 2009


Anabelle
January 8, 2009


Grace
August 21, 2009


Lucy


Joel Tristan
May 28, 2009


Cylas Mychal
December 24, 2007


Sophia Grace
September 3, 2009


Thomas
January 1, 2009


Lucas
January 1, 2009


George Patrick Andrew
May 2009


Dillen Andrew
February 23, 2009


Cole Robert
February 23, 2009


Harry
April 24, 2008


Tommy-1982-


Madeleine Rose
July 7, 2009


Roshone Marquis
September 19, 2009


Madicken
August 2, 2009


Vincent Patrick
April 29, 2009


Cadynce Alice
October 10, 2009


Henry James


Hannah Katherine


Katy's Rainbow
December 28, 2009


Connor Daniel
September 1, 2006


Jaxon Thomas
March 2, 2007


Colin Alexander
March 2, 2007


Courtney Grace
March 2, 2007


Gracie
December 10, 2009


Chaya Eliana
November 6, 2008


Kasey


Lia Rose


Krystal
February 26, 1972


Clare
May 20, 2000


Oliver
August 20, 2009


Miller


Nathan


Grace Willow


Matthew
November 28, 2009


Claire
October 1, 2009


Amelia


Alexander


Alexandra
November 16, 2009


Juanito
December 29, 2009


Alexander Lance


Robbie


Baby Hope


Faith Anne


Lauren Samantha "Sami"
October 26, 2009




Nora Ambrosia Rose


Noah
April 6, 2008 - April 8, 2008


Jessica


Jaden
January 24, 2008


Jack
November 7, 2009 - November 20, 2009


Chase


Abby Lynn


Sunshine


Shyla Joy
September 2, 2009


Johnny Giovanni
March 14, 2009


Madeline Corrine
November 11, 2009


Corrine Ellery
February 4, 2010 - February 18, 2010


Alyssa Marie
February 23, 2010


Calvin Phoenix
March 5, 2009


Crystal's Rainbow
December 10, 2009


Tred
June 5, 2008


Tayla
April 10, 2009


Casey


Bodhi


Cameron


Chloe


Christian


Cora Rei


Harvey


Jacob Evan
June 1, 2010


Joshua Derrek
July 28, 2009


Keaton Tyler
May 4, 2010


Laken


Rose


Lily Katherine
March 16, 2010


Lily Rose


Wyatt River
May 31, 2010



Leila


Leandra


Kennedy Kate


Evie May
February 6, 2010

Zachary
March 4, 2000


Tyler Evan
October 6, 2009


Eli
June 17, 2010


Liam Patrick
April 20, 2010


Leah
July 8, 2009


Micah Quinn


Gabriel


Hudson


Serenity Grace


Feodora Laurent


Devon James


Elan Vie


Peter Noah
December 10, 2005


Lauren Victoria
September 27, 2010


Peyton Micah Charles
July 13, 2004


Jamiz Thomas
August 29, 2010


Carley Noel
November 20, 2009


Bryston


Carston


Micheal


Layla


Jakin


Ella GraceMarch 4, 2010


Jett
January 10, 2009


Eli
January 10, 2009


Skylar Orr
August 27, 2009


Jocelyn Grace
September 29, 2010


Bella
July 30, 2009


Oscar
July 30, 2009


Tittle
January 2010


Ava
October 20-21, 2009


Hope


Angelica
December 10, 2009


Aiden
November 2, 2010


Gabby Grace
July 3, 2007


Monica's Snowflake


Claire
-from Letters To Claire-


Dalton Jude
February 27th


Andrew Thomas
February 27th


Bennett
September 7, 2010 - February 28, 2011


DakotaMay 24, 2011



Gaelen Evangeline
March 24, 2011


Alexis Antoinette
April 25, 2011


Hope Joi
January 18, 2009


Roosevelt Washington IV
November 11, 2011


Maverick Thomas
June 16,2007 - August 25,2007
Jaqnel Alexander April 5, 2012
Seahorse May 24, 2012
Trey
Skyler
Calypso Paikea Rhyder June 14, 2007 - July 7, 2007

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Off The Ledge

Well my sucicidal rant has passed. I'm feeling a bit better. I thought about deleting that post because it was so so dark. But, it was how I was feeling at that moment and I don't want to ignore that. Thank you for all of your uplifting comments. Unfortunately, all of you do get it. I'm thankful for that- but devastated that you're in as much pain as me. Love to you all!

Dark

Tonight I want to die. Why couldn't I have died along with Ella? Why am I being punished even more by having to go on living after losing my daughter? I feel so stupid. Ive been doing all of these things- therapy, acupuncture, healthy diet- to prepare my body for another baby. A rainbow baby- something to live for. Well I ovulated this week, but let's just say it wasnt in the cards for me this month. How could I have been so stupid to think I would be able to get pregnant right away. Ive been naive. This whole situation is fucked up. I feel like no one gets it. Not my friends, my husband, even my mom get it. I don't understand how I am supposed to go on living.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

All About Me

8X8 All about Me!

Okay, I never play along when these types of things come in an email, but I've been tagged by Windy at The Chronicles of an Incompetent Cervix. And, I actually enjoyed doing it!

THE RULES:
Mention who tagged you.
Complete the list of 8's.
Tag 8 other people.

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:
An uneventful second pregnancy
Holding a live baby in my arms
Many more weeks of summer vacation
Going to acupuncture today
Going to hot yoga tonight
Eating left over baked mac and cheese for dinner
Seeing my friend Jenn again someday
Traveling again

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY:

Woke up too early
Drove 80 miles (each way) to visit my mom
Went to lunch at Mimi's Cafe
Watched The Little Couple
Watched Jon & Kate Plus Eight
Ordered pizza and mac and cheese for dinner
Took a bubble bath
Started reading a new book- Remember Me by Sophie Kinsella

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO:
Still be pregnant awaiting my 7/10 due date
Hold Ella in my arms again
See Ella eyes, see her smile, take her first steps, say her first word, start school, fall in love... I could go on forever.
Not go back to work - I'm supposed to be home caring for Ella
Get pregnant again- SOON!
Sing
Cook
Travel more

8 SHOWS I WATCH:
I love TV- This one's easy!
Jon & Kate Plus Eight
The Little Couple
Desperate Housewives
The Office
Dancing With The Stars
Entourage
Weeds
Sex and The City

8 FAVORITE FOODS:
Another easy one...
Cupcakes
French Fries
Cheeseburgers
Salads w/ any type of soft cheese
Tomato Soup
Cheese and Crackers
Pineapple
Filet Mingnon

8 PLACES I'VE TRAVELED:

Maui
Prague
Venice
Bologna
Florence
Rome
Monterey
South Padre Island

8 PLACES I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL:
Spain
Greece
Paris
Amsterdam
Tahiti
Alaska
Back to Prague
Back to Italy

8 PEOPLE I TAGGED-If you don't play along, I won't be offended. :)
Kate at Kate's Corner
Mary at Nobody Knows It But Me How I'm Missing Lukas
Rebekah at Life After Levi
Loni at Praise You In This Storm
Angela at The Pessimistic Optimist
Summer at Ellis Jane
Beth at Life After Ada
Abby at Life As I Know It