The Universe doesn't want me to blog today. It took me several minutes to get online. And, I really want to post some pictures from our visit to the Butterfly Jungle, but my computer is being stubborn today.
Speaking of the Butterfly Jungle... Our day at the park was amazing. Butterflies of every color flutterred all around us. A beautiful blue one landed on my stomach. It was so cool. My husband was able to get a video of it.
Speaking of my husband...Here is why I love him. # 1. Last night he revealed to me that he has been carrying my hospital bracelets around in his jacket pocket. He said he keeps them in there to remind him of everything we went through. That was a reminder to me that this happened to him too. It is so easy to be selfish and feel sorry for myself and forget that he lost a daughter and a dream too. #2. There is this commercial (though, there are several right now) that I really cannot watch. It is one that really reminds me of being pregnant and is just a heartbreaker. I always turn it off when it comes on. Last night I was laying in bed watching TV and the commercial came on. My husband came sprinting in from the other room and turned the TV off.
Today we're going to go and visit the nurses at the hospital that cared for me during Ella's birth. I know it is going to be hard to return to the hospital, but I just feel so fortunate that I was cared for in such a gentle and kind way. Shortly after I arrived at the the hospital that night, I learned that I would be giving birth and that we would be losing our daughter because it was just too early for her to survive on her own. The nurses walked us through the whole process and really encouraged us to see and hold our daughter (at first, we didn't want to- we were afraid it would be too hard). They really helped us to create the beautiful memories that we have of our baby today. How do you ever "repay" someone for giving you something so priceless?
I'd like some advice from anyone that is willing to share. We didn't have a memorial for Ella. When she first died, we just thought is would be too painful. We have done little things to memorialize her, of course. I had her footprints engraved on a necklace. I set up a little space where I put things like her ashes and the little mold of her feet. My mother in law did a painting in tribute to Ella and it is hanging in our house. But something has just been bugging me lately. I'm wondering if I will look back at this whole experience and feel sad that I didn't have a memorial for her. I do want people to know that she was a person who we loved and lost. But, I also know that some people may think that I'm crazy to hold a memorial for a baby that never even lived. I'm curious to know what others did for their babies.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Hey Bree- Thank you for commenting...its very helpful to meet women and MOMS that have gone through the same ordeal...We did have a memorial for Maddox, but our situation was different than yours. Yours was unexpected, and we had known for 2 months that Maddie didn't have a good chance of surviving...So, as soon as we found out about the Triploidy, we contacted everyone we could to ask for prayers for Maddie and we just knew that she would be a miracle. So the day that we found out her heart wasn't beating, we informed everyone and we knew that we weren't the only people who lost someone....our friends and familes lost something too...they were such a huge support during our pregnany and we wanted to give them a chance to honor Maddie with us....
ReplyDeleteI think you choosing not to have a service, it completely fine...there is no right or wrong way to handle losing a child. Continue talking about her and how beautiful she was and keep her memory alive. That's what I do...I don't let people forget (maybe that's wrong of me)...If people ask if I have kids, I'm honest and say Yes, but she died a couple of months ago...and if they are willing then I explain more..but they know that Maddox Elise is my daughter and I am a mom!!! I could go on and on.....if you need to talk, I'd love to talk with you...please feel free to email ANYTIME....loni
lonihodge23@gmail.com
We had a very informal memorial service in our living room with family only. I don't think you should feel weird at ALL for doing a memorial. Your baby did live, and her life was important. She's your child! Of course you want to memorialize her! So, we had the service and then my husband and I scattered her ashes together on the beach. I have a box with all of her things in it. That's just what worked for us - you need to do whatever you and your husband feel led to do to remember Ella.
ReplyDeleteBree, I am sorry that this has happened to you. Know that everyone here is here for you. Everyone who matters, knows that this is not easy. If you feel, in order to get thru this, that you want to do a memorial than you should. Beth's memorial sound so sweet. The ones who really need to be there are those who matter.
ReplyDeleteA friend of my husband requested a mass to be said in honor of our son, Lukas who passed away almost three months ago, this passed Sunday. I told everyone in my family. Even though most of them had to work, my parents and one of my brothers were the only ones that could make it. I was glad to have them there. There is nothing strange about remembering your daughter. Your loved ones will understand.
Can I just say that you have an amazing husband! Sprinting from the other room is great...but carrying around the bracelets brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteElla's mom,
ReplyDeleteMy husband carries our baby's hospital bracelet in his wallet. It reads, "baby boy Madan."
I wanted to have a service for Akul. He was born and passed away at 35.6 weeks. Everyone who knew me, knew him. More than 125 people came for his services. After that we asked people to come home for lunch because people had travelled from LA and San Jose to be with us on this day.
We have Akul's ashes in an urn and he is with us in the room where we sleep. We have his pictures (we were able to take only a few) on a digital picture frame that we have set in our living room and my husband keeps Akul's framed picture by his bedside. Since I came back empty handed from the hospital, every morning I see my husband wake up, pick up the framed picture and kiss his son.
We recently had a paryer session for Akul at home and had a group of 50 people come and hold a group prayer for him ...or perhaps for us.
There is no right or wrong. We are grieving parents. How can anything we do be wrong? And Bree, isn't your blog an ongoing memorial for Ella?
Akul's mom