Saturday, July 11, 2009
What Did I Get Myself Into?
It is midnight. I wish I had the energy to write about Ella's day. I'll have to catch you up tomorrow. Right now I'm freaking out. I am supposed to start teaching summer school in 2 days. How am I supposed to be patient with loads of kids when the smallest things set me off at home. How am I going to be around all those children knowing that I lost mine. I'm teaching 1st graders. They're so small and cute. Its not like I'm teaching teenagers. I'm going to see those little faces and just want to die. Everywhere I go, every child i see, I wonder if thats what Ellacwould have been like. And it pangs my heart. I don't know what to do. I'm ready to back out. I'm afraid to call and back out, but I'm afraid what might happen if I don't.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Bree, I can only imagine how hard it might be to work with small children. If you can muster up the strength and get in there, you may be surprised at how strong you can be. I took some time away from nieces and nephews (9 of them from ages 1 to 16) at first, but when I saw them finally after about a month and a half, I was so happy to see them, and most of these children knew what we had been through. The children you are working with, will they know what you have been through? If you are definitely not ready, I would say you should definitely not push yourself and don't do anything you don't want to. Go easy on yourself. One of the best pieces of advice I received is to treat yourself as if you were your best friend going through the same thing. Give yourself some slack and allow yourself to adjust. Thinking of you, and hope you update us on what you decided to do. Hugs xo Nan
ReplyDeleteOh Bree,
ReplyDeleteThis is so difficult. I think you should call your principal and talk to him/her about how you are feeling. It is going to be hard to go back and the extra time off before school starts might be good for you. On the other hand, it could be a good way to transition back to work. You won't have all the techers, parents, students there, just some and having already been back to work might make it a little easier for when the fall rolls around. Follow your heart and if you are not ready, don't worry about work, worry about you. Thinking of you.
xx,
Tina
I believe you will be fine. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteThink of how much they need you. Staying home will not make things better. This is not a comparision by any means but when my husband left me years ago I would call in sick at work and I found out that on the worst days I was so much better being at work then being at home thinking about it all day long. I know you have to push yourself and it hurts beyond words. I will pray for your strength and comfort.
Bree, a distraction is definitely a good thing but I completely understand. Those tiny faces are constant reminders. Definitely think of speaking with the principal. Maybe they can get you an assistant in case you need to step away. I agree with Nan and Mike. You need to go easy on yourself. I pray that you get the answer you need.
ReplyDeleteIt is so tough. It might be easier on one hand, giving your mind something else to keep busy with. But it will also be so tough to see the little ones. I often see little boys and think I know that is for sure what Gregory would have looked like. I know what you mean about being set off at home. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Some days will be bad, but hopefully some days will be good, too. We will be here for you every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteGod will give you the strength you need, Bree. As much as it sucks, eventually we have to go back out into normal society and pretend to be just like the others. Just do the best you can, and lean on God when it seems like too much. You'll do great. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you, sister. And always praying for you....