Sunday, August 2, 2009
Abstract Oil Painting
Well, I had a chat with my doctor this afternoon. She lovingly told me that she thinks I'm not getting any better, that I'm getting worse. She pleaded with me to set a simultaneous goal because I'm just putting too much into trying to conceive. I told her that I've been wanting to plan a vacation so that I have something to look forward to and that I've also been wanting to start the adoption process. I'm sure she thought I was absolutely crazy because she said, "Bree, I was thinking something more like abstract oil painting." I love this woman and totally get what she is saying. But, I just don't know how to put my energy into anything else. Not when I was so close to having a living baby in my arms.
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*hugs* It is honestly incredibly hard to put TTC on the back burner. I have no choise but to do so in my life but I know first hand how hard and sad it is. It is a whole new set of emotions and grief.
ReplyDeleteI did the same thing after Lily died. Within weeks my hubby and I were experts on surrogacy and adoption laws. When you're that close to have your dream come true, its hard to just let go and wait for things to happen. You kinda feel like you have to make it happen...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I look forward to seeing your painting :)
Wow, she must just NOT understand. I get it!! I'm sure most of us here do. I can't believe it is almost 6 months since we lost Ella, and it's been so hard to wait, and to track ovulation, and to WAIT some more. But I have just been trying to keep myself a little busy here and there, but TTC never leaves my mind...so I just to to fill my time with other things. It's good to have things to do, I agree, but, TTC is now a part of our lives until we have a baby in our arms.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Angela
Hugs to you, Bree. I don't think other people can understand. I promised myself that I wouldn't become obsessed with TTC, but I have. I want a baby in my arms now. It is really hard to concentrate on anything else or distract yourself from it.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, Bree.
It really is hard to focus on ANYthing else when you've gotten so close. To me, a dream had been ripped from me twice. And it just seemed to make me more deteined and more focused on bringing home a living baby. I believe that focus was the only thing that kept me sane over the past two years. So, focus on what you need. Your doc just won't understand bc she hasn't been here.
ReplyDeleteI have been avoiding this whole issue of trying again because I am just so scared of losing a baby over again. I desperately want to fill my empty arms with a healthy live baby, but I am so worried that I will fail again. I feel I am running away from an issue which chases me relentlessly. I pray desperately for "wisdom" which will help me know if it is OK for me to conceive again. I think if He planned that I be childless, He needs to show me the way so I do not lose a child again. While I am obsessed with the desire to have a baby, I do not want to come back home from the hospital without a baby in my arms.
ReplyDeleteYeah, your doctor doesn't get it. How about making doctors who don't really hear you the topic of your painting?
ReplyDeleteI totally adore this woman- as a doctor and as a person. I know she meant well and is really concerned for my well being. I just thought it was hilarious when my simultaneous goal was all hardcore and she was thinking something more like oil painting. It made me feel even crazier.
ReplyDelete