Today, I had the pleasure of injecting myself with my first trigger shot. I was a little freaked out, but watched a demo video online (what would we do without the internet?). The needle slid in quickly and I didn't feel a thing- thanks belly flab. I was pretty darn proud of myself. The directions irked me a bit. They are divided into categories. One of the sections says, "for infertile women using ART," another "for infertile women with ovulatory disorders." First of all, isn't it implied that i'm "infertile" if I'm using the damn shot. Second of all, thanks for the reminder. I'm sure the person who wrote those instructions was a man or woman with 3.2 healthy, beautiful children at home. Maybe the directions should say something like "I'm sorry you're experiencing difficulties getting pregnant. We hope this is the last time you have to shoot yourself up..."
Yesterday, I had my first in public cry when I walked by the Janie and Jack store at the mall. I saw this beautiful christmas dress in the window. Right next door was Pottery Barn Kids- they had their Halloween costumes on display. It was then that it really hit me that I won't be dressing Ella in her first Halloween costume. I won't be buying her this Christmas dress with the matching beret and shiny black shoes. It sucks. I didn't want to celebrate the holidays last year since I had just lost my dad. So, this year they are really being called off. One could only hope that I'm at least pregnant by the time they roll around.
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I agree about the directions for the shot.. that is insane.. and I am sorry about the public breakdown..they are the absolute worst.. its like you just want to find a corner somewhere and cry it out.. I had one a few weeks ago at wal mart, by myself.. little girls everywhere AND they rearranged and it seems like baby stuff is every where.. I had a basket full of groceries and just looked down at my list as tears fell from my face.. I dread the holidays too.. Last year Ella was healthy and fun and Dec 30th is when it all went to crap.. I'm not sure how we will cope..and I will be praying like crazy for you.. maybe a new baby on the way will help your spirits some during the season.. :) hugs!
ReplyDeleteThis is kind of a tangent but when Mad was on intense chemo I had to inject her once a day with a needle that looks similar to the one you posted, in order to get her white blood cells working again. It was horrible (for me, she really didn't care much), but I got used to it, and soon it wasn't a big deal. It's kind of amazing what we can get used to. I really hope that this ISN'T something that you get used to. I feel really positive that this is your month!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got to trigger. I was wondering how you were doing. The shots aren't so bad once you get past the first time. I hope it will be your first and only for the next 9 months at least. I'm so sorry about breaking down. We couldn't skip the holidays last year but I sure wanted to. Thanks for commenting on my blog. It's nice to hear from someone who understands PCOS.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you got through the trigger shot ok. Everytime I had to take mine I put an ice cube on the injection site for a good 5 minutes then I would have my mom inject it for me.
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of the upcoming holidays. It is going to be so hard. We will all be here for you ... together.
*hugs*
I can SO relate to the feelings of the holidays. Last year I did NOT want to celebrate as it had only been 3 months since we had lost E, and I KNEW no one would even acknowledge him being gone on what should have been his first Christmas. I put on a brave front, or should I say pissed off front, and celebrated because I felt I had to. This year is much different...it should be L's first Christmas. My second Christmas, with 2 of my baby boys not here. It sucks, it hurts...I just want to run away.
ReplyDeleteLots of *hugs*
You are so brave~ I think I would have to get my hubby to give me the shot! I so hope that you don't have to do too many of these...
ReplyDeleteThe holidays are hard. My fave holiday is Halloween, the entire month of October is my favorite time of the year. I, too, look at the halloween costumes with bitterness in my heart. Lily would've been a ladybug for sure...
I am sorry about the stupid instructions...of course they couldn't conclude on their own that people injecting the damn thing are having fertility issues and we don't need reminded! I totally see why that irked you!
ReplyDeleteAs for the holidays...well...you know how I feel. Like Jen said, I too love Halloween! Tim wanted to dress Zoe up as Gizmo! hehe It's hard not to feel bitter.
I am so sorry this Christmas is going to be difficult for you again. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my Dad...my heart aches for you Bree.
Maybe we should meet up somewhere fun for Christmas with the guys and screw Christmas! :-)
Hugs to you! And good job again with your injection. Here's to the "big" weekend! :-)
All I think about, Bree, is how much I hope to be pregnant by the holidays. It's the only thing that I think might make them bearable! We are coming up here really quickly on the one year anniversary of the death of my father-in-law. A month after he died we found out we were pregnant and thought it was a gift from him!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you have to do this dumb trigger thing. But I so, so hope it works!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Bree,
ReplyDeleteGREAT job on the shot, I cannot do them at all to myself, no way no how. People can stick me all day and its fine but I won't look at it or do them to myself! This is awesome news you are triggering, I pray this is your moment! Sorry you are having a rough time thinking of all of the upcoming Holidays, I am trying not to think about them until they are actually right in front of me, "live for today" kinda thing, which is way different than the "planner" I used to be. We are all not who we used to be, that is for sure. Hugs to you and lots of babydust!!! xoxoxo Nan
I too am hoping to be preggers by the holidays. I think it may be the only way I'd survive them. You are really brave for doing your own shots, Id have passed out trying to do that to myself. But then again if thats what it took for me to have a shot of being pregnant again, Id do it in a flat second. Sorry the instructions were cruel and insensitive. I hope all our encouraging comments are making up for the doofus who wrote them! Hugs!
ReplyDeletePraying for you Bree, and all of you hoping to be pregnant by the time the holidays roll around. The instructions are a bit over the top (like clothing labels that remind us not to have the material near open flame - because you *know* I always drape myself over candles and fireplaces....).
ReplyDeleteI'm finding day to day so hard to navigate since baby George died and am bracing myself to grin through my sadness for Christmas. I loathe pretending to be happy but it's easier (for me) than dealing with relatives/friends growing impatient with my tears. (((Hugs)))
Bree I am fine..as fine as you and I can be given the circumstances. I have good hours and bad hours and I am sure so do you. I read all your posts but sometimes I do not comment because I have nothing to say or just want to be silent. I am also very busy with school and have started taking cooking classes to keep almost every minute of my time "busy."
ReplyDeleteYou know we conceived Akul through IVF. I had to take heparin shots every second day and hormone shots every day for three months. My arms and thighs were blue by the end of it. I could never inject myself so the burden fell on Sunil. I used to be cranky and annoyed because I was sore all the time. Even though I complained, I thought it was all worth it because I was going to have Akul.
I know it is extremely hard to inject yourself. It really is not that easy to watch a video and inject yourself. There is a lot of emotion involved in it. You always make things seem less intense than what they are. You rarely cry at meetings but you look so tired and have so little color that I know you miss Ella so very much. Hugssssssss. If there is anything I can do to help you in any way, let me know. With love to Ella and you.
Hoping and praying it all goes your way. xx
ReplyDeleteI have been there recently with the holiday stuff. Jonathan and I went to Kmart and was by the halloween costumes when I saw the perfect costume that I would have dressed Jasper in, it was a giraffe we both love giraffes and it was so cute.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both Bree. It's our turn!
ReplyDeleteAnd I have to say I'm soooo impressed that you gave yourself the trigger! I still drive miles so they can do it at the hospital or the clinic!
x
http://allthelittleponies.blogspot.com
Oh Bree, I will be praying that all goes well. I too am dreading the holidays this year. *hugs* and prayers that all goes well for you.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you are such a wonderful person. Thank you so much for Jonathan's butterfly. I want to add it to my blog and link it to your blog. I am going to be workign on that. *hugs*
Bree, Jack and Janie is what we buried Lukas in. There was an extra button that came with the outfit. We keep that button in Lukas' box.
ReplyDeleteHoping that you will soon be blessed.
Hi Bree-
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had such a rough day. Hopefully that shot works for you. I'm thinking of you.
Bree,
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you. I know how hard that must be to walk past the stores right now. And this is just the beginning. The holidays throw it all in your face - they really are meant only for happy and complete people. Together we can all make it through. I hope there was someone with you to hug you...
That last comment was from me - Kathy - sorry, but I'm not logged in right now!
ReplyDeleteI wish you didn't even have to have the darn shots. Talk about throwing something in your face with those directions. Seeing the baby things can be so hard-knowing that you should be picking stuff out for special occasions but you won't be. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having to do the shots...ugh. :( You are a trooper! Good for you! We have learned how to be strong, haven't we?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your experience in the mall. I've had very similar things happen to me in stores before. It just sucks.
Yes, I did get your package! I'm so sorry I didn't say something sooner. Thank you so much! I love Ada's butterfly! I'll send the other stuff on in the next week or so...I'll let you know when. I'm still waiting for some others.