Our Baby Butterfly, Ella was born one month ago today. Ella wasn't due until July 10th, so delivering at 23 weeks wasn't expected. The reason Ella came is still pretty much unknown. My doctor thinks it could be due to an incompetent cervix, but isn't 100% sure. This last month has been pretty tough. I have spent a lot of time reading the blogs of others like me. This inspired me to create my own. Today I remember holding Ella in my arms after she was born. She was so tiny, so perfect. I remember holding her little hands and touching her soft lips. She had pudgy feet which I'm sure she got from me. I wish I would have held on to her longer. I would go through the experience all over again just to have her with me one more time. Now I am mourning the loss of my little daughter and the loss of the idea of being a mom.
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I wish I could say something to take the pain away. What I can tell you is that I know how it feels, and I promise that it will get easier for you. I am so glad (yet so sad) that you have started this blog. I hope that you are able to use it to share your precious Ella and keep an ongoing chronicle of your journey. I think you will meet some wonderful and supportive women along the way. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Ella. I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away, but it doesn't. I can tell you that somehow you do find a way to keep going.
ReplyDeleteI lost my baby at 10 1/2 weeks back in August. She was so tiny when she came out - she had been gone for almost 2 weeks... so tiny and frail, but so amazing nonetheless. I don't know if she was a she - or a he - but I find myself calling her a she. I still grieve for her... I still long for her... not knowing what happened to make her die is something that's always in my head - along with wondering what she would have become. As much as we know that all things happen for a reason - it doesn't mean much when we just want to hold our babies...
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your healing process!