I had my first post-cerclage scare last night. I guess I was prepared for this journey to be bumpy, but I hoped and still hope that this pregnancy would be different. Since the procedure, I've seen my doctor twice. I've been experiencing some cramping and bleeding. And, last night's ultrasound showed that I'm contracting (and, boy did I feel it too!). Each time I've gone to get checked out though, everything has looked okay. Baby still looks great. He's quite a mover and shaker. I don't remember Ella moving that much during her ultrasounds. But, maybe I just didn't know what I was looking at. My cervix and the stitch appear to still be alright too. My doctor expressed that she still feels really good about the outcome of this pregnancy, but feels like this is just going to be a long, difficult journey, that I will probably experience every symptom in the book. I asked if I could just move into her office or if it was possible to just perform a temporary lobotomy. Her response was that she would see me everyday if it helps. Tomorrow, I have my post-op appointment with my perinatologist. We are going to set up a plan for the next ten weeks or so. It is highly possible that because of my irritable uterus and bum cervix, I'll be going on bedrest soon. This morning I was thinking that I've been pregnant for almost 38 weeks (24 with Ella, 14 with Jelly Bean) and still worry that I'll have no (living) baby at the end of this. This pregnancy has been progressing very quickly. I can't believe that if I'm going to lose this baby due to IC, it could happen in the next four to eight weeks. I will never be ready to lose another baby, but four to eight weeks is just too soon. I want more time. I can't do this again. I just can't!
Yesterday, was the nine month anniversary of Ella's birth/death. My friend,
Nimoli brought over the most adorable cupcake with Ella's name written on it in pink. I'll try to add the pictures here later.
My friend Kathy introduced me to the most adorable baby clothing website. When I saw this outfit, I wanted to buy it right away. This would have been the perfect Christmas outfit for Ella. I'm not a traditional, dressy type of girl. This is more my style and I know people would have gushed over Ella in this outfit!
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Bree, I am wishing the best for you and your rainbow! I wish Ella was here to wear that adorable Christmas outfit. So sweet that your friend brought over a cupcake for her. I am thinking about you!
ReplyDeleteBree~ I am praying for you and that rainbow, for a long and (mostly) uneventful pregnancy.. adorable outfit btw.. :) hugs
ReplyDeletepraying that everything settles down and that you dont have to worry as much (i started to just say worry but we all know you will do that anyway)
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, this pregnancy is moving fast! :-) Praying always that you will hold your little sweetheart in the next 24-26 weeks.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I can't believe you are (were?) contracting. so glad that everything still looks okay on the untrasounds. Maybe you should just move in with your doctor. :) I'm so hopeful that everything is going to be okay and that you'll have a live baby in your arms. Please email if you need anything!
ReplyDeleteOh, Bree! Why can't it just be easy? I am so glad that everything is going well, and hoping that those symptoms decide NOT to show up!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Ella. Hugs.
All the difficult moments will be worth it once your baby is in your arms. I'm praying very hard for you and your Jelly Bean to make it to the happy ending!
ReplyDeleteOh, Bree. I am so sorry. The last I heard you had had no bleeding. I was holding out hope that it would be perfect. Perfect or not, this is going to work. I am so sorry that it has already not been an easy road. You don't deserve this to be hard. I wish I could fast forward time and have this new baby here and healthy. I wish, too, that Ella was here.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you OFTEN and sending you positive energy.
Please let us know if we can do anything to help.
xxoo
Christy
Bree *hugs* praying that the remainder of the pregnancy is uneventful. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThe outfit you found is absolutely beautiful. Ella would have looked adorable. :)
Bree, I am sorry you are having issues still after the cerclage. I was sure hoping it would be a 'cure-all' and you could experience a wonderful pregnancy. I pray that all this will be worth it in June. You deserve it so much! What a wonderful doctor that said she'd see you daily. That's a great doctor. And what a sweet friend who thought of you yesterday. Love and hugs your way!!
ReplyDeleteBree, I'm sorry to hear things have already been difficult following the cerclage, but so glad to hear everything is still looking good and the Dr. has high hopes. I'm praying so much for you and your rainbow babe, and hoping things will be uneventful for a while now!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the Christmas outfit, that is just too cute! Wish you could be dressing Ella up in it next week!!
I LOVE that outfit. Ella would have been adorable in it! I so looked forward to dressing Mackenzie. Praying for you and Jelly Bean :)
ReplyDeletexo
Ashley
Bree, please keep posting updates on FB and here. Let me know if you need anything. Keep the little one safe and take good care of yourself. Hugssssss
ReplyDeletei love that outfit too.. sweet little shoes. i wanted to buy so many things for kathlyn while i was out yesterday. it's so difficult.
ReplyDeletegosh, bedrest already huh... i know a woman from my kindermourn group that lost her first baby due to IC at 24 or 25 weeks (he lived for 5 hours..) and then her second pregnancy she went on bedrest at ELEVEN weeks until 36. WHOA! that is a LONG TIME! the new baby is 10 months old now...
I cannot believe how fast you are moving along in this pregnancy either.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know dear friend that you constantly cross my mind and that I keep you and your little jelly bean near my heart as you go through this journey.
*hugs*
I hope your little jelly bean stays all snuggled up until he/she is good and cooked! This will be a long journey, but in the end it will be so so worth it!!! (sending lots of positive vibes your way!)
ReplyDeletePraying that your uterus and cervix start to behave themselves so that you can find some enjoyment in being pregnant again. I wish I had been able to enjoy being pregnant with Cooper but its hard after you lose a baby. You just want that baby safe in your arms as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteHappy 9 month birthday to your sweet Ella xo
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your surgery went well and that your TVC is still holding strong. Will they give you something for the contractions, or have they stopped now?
Thinking of you always xo
Happy 9 month birthday to Ella!
ReplyDeleteI am glad your cerclage is looking good and hope you stop contracting soon (or already have!).
I know what you mean about being pregnant for so long - in 3 days it will be one year since I found out I was pregnant with Vincent. I lost him just over 22 weeks - tomorrow I am 22 weeks with Sprout. 44 weeks in the past year and desperately hoping for a healthy baby at teh end.... for all of us who are on this road.
Happy 9 months to Ella.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to let you know that tomorrow I am changing the URL of my blog. I will be changing it to ourbrokenhearts.blogspot.com
I'm changing it because certain paople read my blog that I don't think should be reading it, because of the content. Just thought you might still want to follow!
Thinking of you and your Ella. I wish I could bring you food and interesting books or things while you're resting! Too many kms between us or I would. Praying for that happy outcome for Jelly Bean, and for your poor nerves. This must be so rough for you, Bree. In so many ways. Thinking of you and sending you love.
ReplyDeleteI know it's scary, but you will get through this! Just take it easy and rest as much as possible. I hope those darn contractions go away. I had some spotting and cramping as well, so it can be totally normal. ((HUGS)) for Ella's 9 month anniversary.
ReplyDeleteBelieve in the stitch! I was completely scared too...but it worked. I had every symptom imaginable too...but it worked. I have my miracle sleeping in the next room. You will too :-) I went to see my doc every week until 30 weeks, I think. It's totally worth the piece of mind (especially with those contractions). Go in to your doc whenever you want, and don't worry about being "that" girl - you have certainly earned the right to be the crazy pregnant lady. I'm so happy the stitch is in!!!!
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