Friday, December 11, 2009
Going Back There
It's 3am. I'm headed back there in a about an hour. The place where I last felt her weight against my chest. Where I kissed her hands, stroked her lips, tugged at her perfectly formed ears. The place where my baby was rolled in and taken from inside a cabinet and handed over to me one last time. Her little body had already started to expire. Her skin darkened and she looked different from before. I can't have another baby that is placed inside a cabinet. I just can't! I want Ella. I want this one too.
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Thinking of you and your sweet Ella. I am sure going back there is not easy at all. My heart is with you today Bree. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh honey, my heat is with you. thinking of you and Ella. Thank you for the sweet butterfly ornament. I LOVE IT!!!
ReplyDeleteBree - I remember so vividly going back to "that place".... all I kept telling myself is that we have been through the worst, this is another huge step in the healing process. It's soooo hard and I ache for you today.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of strength, friend.
Oh, Bree, I'm thinking of you. Sending you hugs and love. (I'm sorry I was one day off!)
ReplyDelete*huge hugs* thinking of you and praying all goes well.
ReplyDeleteYou were my first thought this morning and I pray that all goes well today. I know its difficult to go back to the place that you lost Ella but know that I'm thinking of you and sending love your way. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Bree, praying as well.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you on this new journey. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and THANK YOU for the ornament. It's on Mackenzies tree at home :)
ReplyDeletexo
Ashley
That is exactly why now that I am thinking more normally I am grateful that we were out of town when we lost Cadynce. If we had been home I would have gone the hospital where any rainbow babies will be delivered and I dont know that my heart could take that.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Praying for your peace!
ReplyDeleteBree~ I am so sorry.. I wish I had words to make you feel better.. praying for you and this new miracle.. big hugs!
ReplyDeleteBree, I want this baby for you too. XOXO
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes with you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI read your comment on my blog about not sleeping. You have to believe that this pregnancy will end well! I was so consumed with worry with Blumpy that when my pregnancy ended, I didn't really have many good memories to hold on to. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to try. Try to put your baby in God's hands, and just enjoy this time that he has given you.
ReplyDeletePraying that you feel the love that surrounds you today and in the coming days :)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!
ReplyDeleteOh Bree, I am thinking of you and precious Ella.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Bree, you and Ella are in my thoughts. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteAre you having your TVC placed today Bree? Well by now you're probably done (darn time difference!) I am thinking of you and hope it all went well. It can't have been easy going back into the same hospital and having it bring back all of those memories. At least my TAC surgery was done in a completely different hospital.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love xo
This post is a real tearjerker. None of our babies should be put away in cabinets ... we want them in our arms hugging us back and making all those gurgling sounds our ears ache to hear. SO many hugsssss.
ReplyDeleteWith you in spirit Bree (((HUGS))) xoxoxo Love Nan
ReplyDeleteI completely understand... I lost my baby in August at 10 1/2 weeks, and had nowhere to put the little one but a small plastic container since you are supposed to save the "products of conception" (hate that phrase - I consider it my baby). Never again... I just hope I never again have to experience that. I want a baby that is warm and alive and glowing and breathing. I pray that all goes well for you! I know I can't wait to be pregnant again!
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDelete