I feel more depressed than ever. The holidays are so painful with a broken heart. I am so angry. I feel like no one can say anything right (present company excluded). It doesn't make me feel better to know my daughter's an angel. Would you prefer if your daughter were one? I want my baby in my arms. That's all. Don't tell me everyone has their hard times and things will get better. Really? Everyone has held their non-breathing newborn baby in the arms. Really? No one gets it! How hard is it to send your condolences at Christmas time?
I am paralyzed with fear. I haven't left the house in days. Contractions at only 14 weeks? This can't be a good sign.
Sadness + Fear + Anger = Not Good
Sunday, December 20, 2009
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Bree, hang in there. I know this time of year without our baby girls sucks, it really really does. It is just the truth. I realized that the very sharp pain I felt around 14 weeks was a contraction. I am so dense sometimes, but it just occurred to me yesterday that that's what it was. I did some research on it yesterday and I don't think it's anything to worry about unless they happen too close together.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying even more for your precious little one.
xoxo
I am so sad for you Bree,and I send lots and lots of hugs from Texas to you.There is not really a whole lot I can say to make you feel the loss any less, but I want you to know that I am ready to be a shoulder for you to cry on if you need me.
ReplyDeleteRemembering sweet Ella with you, Sarita
sboyette@tx/rr/com
glad i found you on facebook.. we'll be able to talk more directly there. thinking of you constantly. im sorry you're having a terrible time. i agree... how hard is it to send condolences at christmas?!
ReplyDeleteI get you totally. It would be so easy for people to send a card or a little note about our babies with Christmas cards...but I have realized quickly that people don't. Hell, Zoe's birthday is in just a few days and not one christmas card mentioned her. NOT ONE! So, I agree with you 110%!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are so sad, I am not for sure how to get through all of the holidays without feeling this way. If you figure it out...call me immediately! ;-)
Hugs to you sweet Bree. I am thinking of you, and am always just a call away. Love ya girl!
I am so sorry you're having such a hard time, Bree. We all understand at least some of these things, and are thinking of you. I have discovered that people don't mention Maddie because they "don't want to make me remember" - if only they knew how much our babies are on our minds.
ReplyDeleteHugs and love.
Bree, its amazing how people don't stop and realize how we may be feeling the loss of our babies more so at Christmas. I don't have any magical words to say to make you feel better, but I can send you lots of virtual *hugs* and praying for you and your little one.
ReplyDeletepeople don't get it, just because we have a few months "under our belt" everything is fine.. why be upset? right? yesterday I literally stayed in bed all day..I needed to.. I needed to just have a day where I don't feel pressure to smile and ignore the fact that my daughter is dead.. Bree~ I have never been in your particular situation, and I can't imagine all of the stress from your "mother" and the health of new baby on top of the grief..take the time you need to yourself.. I too am so sorry I don't have words to help, but I am praying for you.. hugs!
ReplyDeleteAww, Bree. Love and hugs. I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. I will keep you in my prayers and forever wish there was more that I could do.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Bree, I know what you mean. I wish I could bring your sweet Ella to your arms and ease your pain. You do not deserve this at all.
ReplyDeleteI'm wishing peace for you this holiday season.
Many *hugs*
i'm sorry that you are having a hard time today. as hard as it may be try to think positive thoughts. thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there sweetie! It could simply be an irritable uterus - the body sometimes reacts in that manner when a cerclage is placed. Praying continually or you!
ReplyDeleteBree,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry things are not going well. I know stress cannot be good but how can you get rid of stress during the holidays? I wish I knew. I keep getting reminded that it's just about Christmas, why??? I honestly have forgotten, but everyone is there to remind me! praying for you and your hubby baby...
You speak my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteBree! ((((hug)))) Praying for comfort and relief from contractions.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, once you experience loss the fear lives within you. Those on the "outside" don't understand and I pray they never know this pain. You don't get over it or move past it, you simply learn to live with it....and that takes an indefinite amount of time. Know that I'm sending you love and prayers, as I completely understand your anxiety...just wish I could do more.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
Andrea
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. *hugs*
ReplyDelete