I've got to get this blog moved! Anyone out there know how to move an entire blog to wordpress? I've got to be able to vent in a safe place about the woman formerly known as my mother. I've got to be able to share details about this baby without worrying she's reading. Sorry for spewing hate. Again....
Yesterday was a horrible day. I balled up on the couch and cried for hours. I miss E so much. I can't bear the thought of Christmas without her. I made my husband tell his family again, NO GIFTS! All of the gifts should have been for her this year. I cannot sit around and pretend to have Christmas without her. Tears were also shed over this baby. As hard as I'm trying, I really have no control over this one living or not. People in my real life don't understand this fear. It can so happen again. Pray, beg it won't. But, it can. And, if it does, it will be my body's fault.
The cherry on top was the extortion letter I received from my mother and her fawyer (fake ass lawyer). I started to have contractions immediately upon receipt. Her claims are false and she will never receive a dime of my $. I have been through so much. Now this, at the same time of carrying a very high risk pregnancy. I will NEVER forgive her. If you notice, I deleted my last post because I felt bad for saying I wished she had died instead of my dad. I take it back. I wish I would have left that post standing. She's endangering my pregnancy now.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
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Oh Bree!!! I am so sorry! Please call if you want to talk about this.
ReplyDeleteI know how difficult Christmas is going to be without our little girls. I am sure the added stress with your mom is making this unbearable. I am send lots of love your way for you, Ella, and your little bean!
Hugs!!!
Don't be surprised if I call you today! :-) Unless you call me first!
I'm sorry, lovey...You should just break up with your mom. She sounds very toxic...ugh, I wish I could beat her up for you..I've never been in a fight before but I would do it for you :)
ReplyDeleteI know Christmas will be hard without Ella. I remember Christmas last year without Lily. This is my second Christmas without her and its still painful.
We all know that things can happen again. I had the same worry the entire time that I was pregnant with Cooper. I imagined calling all my family and having to tell them that we lost him, another one. I couldn't imagine having a baby in my arms. Worry doesn't change the outcome and the stress is so hard on your body.
((Hugs)) You're such a strong woman and we all love you...
Oh, Bree. I am so sorry, honey. You don't deserve this - you, your husband, and your children come first. This pregnancy is so important - I am so sorry that your mom thinks it's okay to endanger something so important, and to dishonor Ella's memory, for her own... whatever.
ReplyDeleteI am here if you need to talk at all. Please let me know if you change your blog, and please know that we're here for you. As far as missing Ella and fearing for your current pregnancy - I totally understand. I pray so many times a day that God just has my body do what it's supposed to do.
Hugs and love to you.
My heart goes out to you so much today Bree. I am so sorry about your mom, that is just unbelievable that she is putting you through this right now, when you are already facing Christmas without your sweet baby girl, and so much worry about this current pregnancy. I wish there was a way to ease your pain, but just know so many of us are thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI know others can't seem to understand the fear and uncertainty a subsequent pregnancy brings after a loss. I have struggled with this too, just the thought that I have absolutely no control over the outcome of this pregnancy, and there is nothing to stop it from happening again. In your case, I know it's even more frightening because of your cervix. All we can do is pray and hope, like you said, and we are all doing that. I know you are missing Ella so much too. Sending you big hugs!!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this - she is being truly awful.
ReplyDeleteThe stress of missing the one who was lost, worrying about the one you are currently trying to hold on to, and dealing with Christmas which should be happy - but isn't because you miss your little one even more is a lot.
I had one family member go off about me over-reacting this pregnancy, big deal I lost one I am pregnant again and I need psychological help because I am still greiving my little boy was the gist of it. All on my voicemail of all places. I blocked her from calling me anymore and it's been 10 weeks of no drama .
I am sorry you need to cut ties with your mom, but from what I have read - it seems like it will be in you, and the babe you are carryings best interest.
(((Hugs)))
I wish I had wonderful words to make you feel better but I can't find them so I am sending you thoughts of peace and love this holiday season and lots of XOXOs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, Bree. I am furious for you. Pregnancy after loss is stressful enough and for her to throw these issues and heartache on you... UGH! I am sending you BIG hugs and I will do some research on how to move your blog. XO
ReplyDeleteSorry you're having such a rough time, Bree. I don't know anything about your mom, but I sure wish she was different for your sake and your little bean! Prayers and hugs!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteposting again after fixing spelling errors
ReplyDeleteBree, I'm so sorry that your mom is causing so much trauma for you. As others have said, focus on your health, Ella's memory, and your incubating baby.
Wishing peace for you and your uterus (no more contractions plz).
"fawyer" love it!
I know you can export a blog but I'm not sure if you can do it from blogger to wordpress. I am sorry you have to deal with all this crap with your mom. She does not sound like a nice person at all. She does not sound like she even deserves to be called mom or mother or whatever.
ReplyDeletePraying for your little baby and for the contractions to go away! It is hard for people to realize the fear that will always be there. Gosh, I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm afraid.
I second everything that Jen said! I remember my Christmas last year and how hard it was. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but just know we're all thinking about you. I hope today is a better day than yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI just wish you did not have this stress right now. You need to take care of you and that baby of yours. I am hoping that you are able to find some relaxing time for yourself this holiday season. So sorry your mom is pulling all this crap. How awful!
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry sweety. Its bad enough when you have troubles with other people but when you have to deal with your own mother being cruel its even harder. My mother and I used to be close but she has done a lot of mean things since my angel passed and I know just how much it can hurt. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteChange your URL; that's easier than trying to move an entire blog! If you want to do that, I'll help you spread the word to your followers.
ReplyDeleteBree,
ReplyDeleteSweet girl, I am so sorry that you are forced to deal with all the numerous emotions. If I can offer any words of wisdom I would say to not dwell on what you Mother is doing, but take those negative feelings and turn them into a positive. A positive in knowing you will NEVER be the same kind of Mother...but a wonderful, kind, compassionate, loving, caring Mommy to your sweet baby.
I read something intresting yesterday....it said "just when you think the grief has passed, it returns" And, it does....I understand why you are so afraid and why you are guarded about this pregnancy and I'm so sorry. Just wish I could make you feel better, so I am sending you love and a smile.
I don't want you to leave us, but if you need to do so, that is ok. I pray that I'll find you again.
Prayers to you,
Andrea
www.persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com
Oh Bree my heart is breaking for you. How dare she do this to you, especially now. I know it's hard to do, but please, please just try to block her out and just pretend she doesn't exist. I'm sure it's easier said than done though, and when she insists on hassling you via her 'fawyer'.
ReplyDeleteWhat are your Husband's family like, are they supportive of you and understanding of your fears?
As for the blog transfer question, I have no idea, sorry. Would you consider making this blog private? Mine is private as I couldn't bear my IRL friends (except for a couple) or my family reading it. If someone wants to read it, they just have to email me and I'll add them to the list.
Praying for you as always and sending you lots of love xo
One more thing...
ReplyDeleteSo that Google doesn't point to your blog, and no-one can google your name and find it, go to:
Blogger Dashboard> Settings> Basic>
Add your blog to our listings (Set to NO)
Let search engines find your blog (Set to NO)
Hope this helps xo
Bree I am so sorry and remember to try and relax and stay as stress free as possible, so much easier said than done I know! Why dont you make this blog private? You have to invite people to view it. THinking of you! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteNIcolle
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this stress on top of being pregnant AND trying to get through the holidays without your precious Ella.
ReplyDeleteI use Wordpress and love it. Unfortnately I have no idea how to export a blog! Wish I did!
I wish you peace... and I send lots of love.
Sarah xoxo
Bree, I am so sorry that you have the extra stress from your mother. I feel for you so much because I stopped having contact with my mother years ago after I testified against her in court. She is in touch with my sister and was happy (yes, happy) to hear that our George died. Do what you have to do to protect yourself and this new baby. Nimoli has my phone number if you want to talk. I don't know what steps you have to take in the US, but I spoke with the RCMP here in Canada and can share with you what I did to discourage my mother from contacting me. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and sending you love and all peaceful thoughts. Maybe if your husband's family really wants to do presents they could donate to a charity in Ella's name for you?
ReplyDeleteHi again Bree - just read your reply on my blog and thought, hmmm, reply there or here? If that was their response then I recommend asking for spa gift certificate. You need it!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Bree-I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I've been sued by my dad for student loans shortly after he divorced my mother for another woman. I know that anger mixed with guilt-you are so full of anger but feel this guilt pulling you towards maintaining somewhat of a relationship because, after all, they are your parent.
ReplyDeleteI just know this pain (although I can not claim of course to have the very same pain!). I am thinking of you so often. I'm worried about you and praying for you and just hoping things get better really really soon.
Is there anything we can do?
Maybe you could just password protect certain posts?
Thinking of you!
xxoo
I am working on switching to wordpress. I've successfully exported my blog. Now, just working through the kinks. Thanks for your support, everyone!
ReplyDeleteAlso- want you to know I do not communicate with my mom one bit. I cut her off when I got pregnant and couldn't handle the stress. That's why she's angry!
Praying for you please let me know when u move your blog
ReplyDelete