Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Seriously
Okay, here I am blogging from my Ipod again. Please excuse any typos. Today I received an email from my MIL telling me to count my blessings and be positive. She told me that some people have no one to love them and I'm lucky that I have family that love me. She then proceeded to remind me that she lost her parents when she was a child and had to care for her disabled sister with no money. Seriously? Okay, she's right. I'm so sorry for the tantrum I've been throwing for the past two months. Was she intending on making me feel ashamed for grieving? Because that's totally how it came off. What is wrong with some people? All you need to say is, I'm sorry, how are you doing?
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Bree...I am so sorry. I have learned that despite any good "intentions"...people are insanely insensitive! I wish I had some stellar advice for you on this one, but I am dealing with some family insensitivity as well. Grief is extremely powerful, and everyone deals with grief differently.
ReplyDeleteReally? Ugh. In-laws can be so problematic. I can't believe she said that to you. Grief is not something you can just get over because people love you.
ReplyDeleteWow. That is not okay. This is your blog and your outlet for your GRIEF. I hope you are able to brush that off and realize that you are not doing anything wrong. Don't feel guilty for missing your little girl.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. A customer was asking my husband how I was doing the day before mother's day only to tell him it could be worse- she knew someone that lost three members of their family (of course she hasn't but she knows their pain). I feel for them and in my heart I know things could be worse but that's never something I want to hear from someone else- I can remind myself of that in some moments but grieving is important too!! It's so much better to share your pain than stuff it away! I think comments like that hurt the most coming from someone close- both my mom & mil have stuck their feet into their mouths too and it always takes me awhile to start sharing my heart with them again.
ReplyDeleteHi there...I'm going to go back and read, but wanted to comment here first. My take on others (especially the close family) is that they can't handle seeing us so sad. They want to make everything "okay" again. They feel a need to show us that bad things happen and somehow things go on. What they don't understand is that they really can't compare ANYTHING to losing a child. It's so very different...so, so different.
ReplyDeleteSo, even though they may mean well...it mostly just annoys me. I have told all of my friends that the very best thing to say to me is, "I'm so very sorry. I just don't know what to say." Then they can cry with me - that means the world.
Wow, that sucks. My dad left my mom several years ago after 30+ years of marriage. My mom has been very supportive of me since I lost Ada, but I think it's hard for her sometimes to see me so upset. There was one time that she made me cry because she basically told me that I needed to get over it and go on with life and that life just isn't fair. I'm sorry you've had to deal with people who aren't always understanding.
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